Ravens Writting stuff .FEEDBACK PLEASE.

[[R] a v e n]

Alright, I have a few things I have written before, so here we go. Keep in mind, Most of these things I have written 2 - 3 years ago. I'll post whether they are new or not. ^^

Please post feedback, I love feedback. ^^

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This is a short story with a moral I wrote way back when. This is my favorite short story I have ever written, even though this was written bout 2 years ago. Clearly I haven't written any recent short stories eh? I was thinking/am thinking about making this into a site. Well you know, based off of it.(what do you think?) ^^ Enjoy.

Amongst Dreams
Golden rays of sunlight sprawled across the blood stained sky. Stars from the previous night fading away into red morning. A gentle breeze blew the darkened clouds towards the southern part of the forest. Browning leaves of the maple trees fell lightly to the ground, and blew away in the breeze. Thunder was heard in the distance more towards the mountains, but coming this way. Icy blue eyes stared at these clouds and listened to the thunder rolling across the forest.

Great, another Thunderstorm this young tom thought. He was smaller than most cats, gold to the eye but crested to the fur. His paws and face, along with his tail, was dark brown color with darker stripes. His eyes were stained an icy blue, a gaze that could paralyze any cat whom dared to betray him. His claws were longer than most, and they helped him a lot when it came to battle, and his teeth well they where white but in history they were bloodstained.
Flicking and ear in annoyance he turned around on the thin branch he sat upon. Flexing his long claws he leaped onto the ground and turned to face his closest friend, and sidekick. “Come on Rakat we need to get back to the tribe.” Turning his back to the thunderstorm that rolled towards them he padded forward.
“Ok Copper” Rakat answered. Rakat was a very dark pelted tom that almost looked black. But that wasn’t just it; he also had lighter chestnut stripes that went from his head to the tip of his long tail.
Dark paws padded through the darkening forest as the thunderstorm rolled closer. A yowl of distress rose above the thunder echoes coming from farther down the canyon. Ears perking Copper and Rakat speed up until they were racing side by side through the ferns. Skidding to a stop Copper slowly moved forward towards the clearing that they called a temporary camp. Sitting in the center of the camp was the young queen Fern, and another cat, only that one wasn’t moving. The she-cat let out another yowl of distress, then the gray striped she cat bent her head down and nuzzled the small cats pelt. Copper stopped in his tracks and gazed forward “Rocky….”
Another cat rushed forward and sat down next to Fern, he started licking her forehead. “Janix, what happened here?” Copper asked as he slowly walked forward.
Janix looked up, sorrow glistening in his yellow eyes. “Rocky was playing with the other kits when the banished came and attacked them, the others got away but they snatched Rocky” the gray tom dropped his silver head to touch Ferns. Glancing up at Copper, with a weak voice he asked, “Copper, why do the Banished insist on following us and killing of some of us? Why don’t they just leave?” He sat up now silvery ridged chest fur puffed out and mouth parted in a snarl.
“They want revenge Janix, now we need to get moving, we’ll morn for Rocky when we find shelter, a thunderstorm is coming and it looks pretty bad. Get some of the elderly and lets have them burry Rocky, ok?”
“Yes Copper” Janix answered slowly as he rose to his paws and pulling Fern away.
Fern bared her white teeth in a snarl “If I ever see a Banished cat again I’ll kill it!” she spat as Janix pulled her away. As they left a black tom approached Copper. He had blue eyes, and the thickest build in the group “Copper, Alu and I are ready to move Rocky” His blue eyes showed sadness but he was ready to uphold his position as Tribe elder.
“Alright Tak, carry him out and make sure Fern and Janix are there.”


Soaking wet paws plodded their way over a mountain ridge. The golden brown tom, Copper stopped and waited for the rest to catch up; except he was no longer golden he was a dirty looking brown. His blue eyes were dull and defeated, he had leaded his tribe all this way to lose a kit and suffer through the freezing wind. Dropping his head he turned and padded back to the front of the group and Rakat. The dark brown tom just looked at Copper and shook his head.
Sun shone down upon the tribe of cats as they made their way along a narrow edge on a mountain side. “Watch your steps!” Copper shouted from the front o the line. Just as the path started to widen out Copper sighed, finally the end of the dangerous rocky ledge, oh Rocky. Turning around he watched as the cats came along the ledge, but then he noticed something dark in color. “Eagle!” Copper spat as the large bird flew in at the cats. Yowls of terror rose up amongst the cats and they rushed forward, A few kits ran forward and crashed into elders and adults, hisses were heard.
“Lilly!”
A voice rose above the rest as the yowls of terror died out. All of the cats froze and looked out into the skis as the eagle tumbled downward trying to fly away with the she-cat. Copper looked to Rakat and then turned to race down the mountain side.
Slowing to a stop, Copper panted and looked around. He was off of the mountain now and was in a small forest at the base. The eagle had flown down here some where, now to find it. As the golden tom walked forward he heard a growl or a cat, and it was close. Perking his ears he walked forward and peered beneath a small bush. Under the bush sat Lilly the small she-cat that was being trained in fighting skills. Her teeth bared and she flew out of the bushes bowling Copper over. Copper hissed and unsheathed his claws; putting his back feet on her belly he pushed her off spatting “Lilly It’s me!”Lilly turned; she was bleeding from each shoulder and panting heavily. “Copper, I’m so sorry”
Copper just nodded and walked over to Lilly, she leaned against his shoulder. Just then Rakat and Ryaco padded out of the bushes. “We left the tribe to look for a place to call home, we think we found it but we’d like you to look at it.” Rakat announced.
“Come one sweetie, I found some herbs that’ll make your shoulder feel better.” Stated Ryaco as she walked over.
Copper walked out of a fern bush as he followed Rakat to the new camp. He didn’t think it would be that far away, but with an injured cat it took longer. Hearing the familiar voices of Alu and Tak made Copper happy, they made it. Walking out from behind a tree Copper gasped, it was beautiful. There were rock walls that stood very high, and there was a small spring of water that flowed over them. It was like paradise. Small indentations in the walls showed that there were hollowed out spots that could make great dens, and the high walls showed a great security. “This is perfect Rakat” Copper purred as he padded forward and gazed at all of the walls.


“Lilly, I’m proud to announce that you are now an adult, well trained in hunting and fighting!” Copper announced from a small rock that elevated him off the ground.
Lilly smiled and looked down, shy. Finally she got what she was training for; she was a well trained adult cat. Sitting up she puffed out her chest and smiled; now she wouldn’t be watched all of the time. Suddenly a yowl of protest arose from behind the cats, and the happiness evaporated. Every cat turned to see a large black and white tom cat standing at the entrance to their home “I think there won’t be any more adult cats in this tribe, just injured ones.” The tom bared his teeth in an ugly grin.
Coppers eyes widened and his claws unsheathed.
“Miss me Copper? Your old sidekick oh wait no I was supposed to be leader, me Denark. But no, you had to steal that from me.” He hissed out the words and then flicked his tail, one by one the banished cats flooded the clearing, kits and queens ran into their dens and adults and apprentices lunged at the intruders.
Copper looked around Denark had disappeared in the crowed, but then something hit him from the side sending him flying from the rock. Hitting the ground knocked the air out of him but he still sat up to see Denark smiling at him as he strolled over. “Come on Copper get up I won’t hit you while you’re down.”
Copper clenched his jaw and stood bearing his teeth at Denark and flexing his claws. Folding his hind legs beneath him he leaped at Denark, landing on his back. Hooking his claws into Denark’s fur he growled and hissed. Hissing Denark rolled over and flung Copper from him. Leaping to his feet he lunged for Coppers throat. Copper hissed and kicked his back feet out. Jumping up he saw Rakat bleeding from one shoulder but managing to fight off an old tribe member by the name of Regenet.
Denark flew forward and knocked Copper over, but not totally. Copper clenched Denark’s heavy dark fur and scratched as well as yowled. But Denark was older and stronger than him. He easily tossed Copper aside and scored his claws down his flank. Copper gasped and clawed at Denark’s eyes, but missed. Denark pinned Copper down, and placed a paw on his throat. He smiled evilly and said “Too little to late Copper, this is the end.” Copper kicked up with his hind legs and knocked Denark off, and against a rock. Denark didn’t move, he lay there and looked at Copper he just bared his teeth and said a few last words “This isn’t the end”
With a start Copper woke from his nightmare. Sitting up in his bed of grass he looked around, shaking. Then he heard a yowl arise from outside. Walking forward with staggering steps Copper looked outside to find a black and white tom standing at the entrance with his teeth bared and carrying the scent of a banished cat, Denark. Copper gasped, his nightmare may have just become a reality, only there was one thing missing, Lilly had gotten killed by the eagle and he hadn’t made her an official adult. “Come on out Copper I know you there!” yowled the angry banished cat. Flexing his claws and bearing his teeth Copper exited his den and stalked across the clearing to stand in the center. “No one touches Copper” Denark growled, “He’s mine.”

Moral: Don’t doubt your dreams, for they may tell the future.



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Ok, so I wrote this one 2 years ago. lol I was just learning how to write poems.


Midnight beats and knightly times

At the stroke of midnight,
The darkness rises,
To the sword of that brave knight
They get ready to fight

The beat of the raven’s wing,
Is nothing to fight over,
Because the bird of death is about to sing,
To that dark knight of the evil ring

The black midnight of the raven’s wings beat,
The one sign of hope for the good knight,
The dark knight fell to the sheet,
The sheet of ice sliding in to meet

The midnight darkness filled the air
Sometimes to icy cold to tell,
But over all the knight suffered from a dare,
The dare that he could not bare

So be careful at night,
Because of the dangerous fight,
The fight that starts again once every fright,
So be careful out there because of that dark gallant knight.


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Ok you could call this one dumb. I don't know what I was doing/thinking when I wrote this. It's good/bad, I dunno, what do you think? So the poem isn't even a poem. I was young, this was like 2-2 1/2 years ago, lol. (I wrote everything in this story)

Take it Elsewhere
Our story starts in a small country side town in the state of Montana, Journeyside. This small lake side town was said to be a place where you could come to finish, or begin your dreams, or fantasies. With the lake so crystal clear and the trees so green it made the perfect vacationing spot, for tourists of course. But for the very few who lived here, it was a simple town with a lake and trees prime and ready for woodcutting. The town got very few new people, maybe one or two a year, if they were lucky. But it was just that, a small town with houses being put in, log cabins up in the forest just north of the small town. In this town lived a girl, Lynn, a beautiful brunet with light blue eyes and a slim build.
It was the summer of 1999, and the town was bustling with tourists, and all different passer-by’s. Lynn was in her twenty’s, early twenty’s. She had never been married, and had only had two boyfriends, neither worked out. Her family lived back east, so she was here alone, in a large dark log cabin on the hill side. Her last name was Kinzer, and she was responsible for most of the wood carvings scattered about the town, from eagles to bears. But the town-folk weren’t the only ones with their eyes on the wood worker, a young man under the name Justin was too.
Justin had just recently moved to Journeyside and liked it here; his job was simple, café owner. He was a tall fit man with hazel eyes and black hair. He was from farther up north towards Browning. His café was titled as simple and easy as he could think of, Just café. His favorite hobby was water skiing on the lake that sat next to the town, and some thought his second hobby was watching Lynn. Over all on days he didn’t work, he thought of the people in this small town, they all seemed to be bound by some sort of friendly code of honor.
On March second of that same year Justin had enough strength to ask Lynn out, it didn’t end badly and amazingly she accepted. So it began, they started going out to the places they could in this small town, from the lake to a free dinner at his café. They had similar interests, but Justin seemed distant, and when ever around his ‘pals’ he would show Lynn off like a trophy. She didn’t know it until about three months later when she found a letter from to one of his friends, not sent nor in an envelope, it read:
Dear Sean,
Lynn, I know I seem crazy about her but I used to, now she is just another girl to me. I love her in all, more than you’d think, but overall I might ask her for my hand in marriage. Thanks for your support, and hey I might need more of it when she freaks out. Overall I can’t wait to bring her to the BBQ this weekend, I mean so maybe we can talk a bit more in all. Ken hasn’t seen her has he? She’s the finest girl I have ever had, hopefully it’ll last and she won’t figure anything is wrong…..
Justin
She folded the letter and held it in her hands for a moment before she heard Justin coming down the stairs. Tucking it under the book on the table she leaned against the wall and waited for him. She kept an eye on him the whole night, watching but not noticeably. When he tried to kiss her goodnight on her doorstep she was edgy, and let him kiss her on the cheek. After he drove off she went to her room and cried onto her pillow. She kept looking to the phone, wondering weather she should call her best friend Jenny. She didn’t, she just fell asleep on her bed, still in her day clothes.
So she was tired of it after another month, he slowly seemed to try to do things that didn’t seem right, not for a dating situation at least. He started asking for money, and never paid her back. He asked for the keys to her car, when he had his own. He didn’t buy the gas for it when he drove it, and he even asked for a few free woodcarvings. She had, had enough, so she set to work. Leaving him a message on his answering machine she told him that she’d be out today, in the forest collecting wood. It was true, but not for the right reasons. She set to work around noon and finished at six. Digging out her wood burning kit she started on her letter, or poem. She dated it, August third, and then finished off the corners.
On August third, a day after she finished the piece, and dated it this day she went to his house. It was early in the morning, and she was mad. Placing the piece on the deck of his house she left, she left him with a broken heart and writing. The piece of wood was perfectly hand crafted a broken heart with wringing on it, burned, and scorched. It sat there, nothing else with it, alone on the step, the last step. With this wooden note she wrote him a poem, a poem of their story:
Silent words of the unspoken
The raised emotions of those whom care
A small hint of love
In one's move
Darkness in the sky
A glint of light in the distance
One gone in the line
One to scared to tell
A smile on the face of her
A frown on the face of him
To be loved too late
Is to be hated too soon
The light has come
To shine upon one
Two star crossed lovers
Bound by hate
A held hand up on the face
Make the day hard to face
Time to place the nights end
And leaves you to fend
Is love just a scary thing
Or is it a remarkable thing
A kiss in moonlight
Sends the night off right
One all one thee will love stay true
Or will everything turn blue
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I love you too
On alone one all
On the road to fall
A dream for the day
You no longer need to pray
Take my hand
And take the lead
A time comes in everyone's lives
Where you need to make a choice
Do you live life
Or reject his life
As lovers
As friends
One thing can change it all
A single kiss on the cheek
A single squeeze of the hand
To my life it means none
A love a life an empty heart
Dive into the heat
And take it slow
An open heart is an open door
To the one arrow of true loves more
A step to the wild side of loves first kiss
And a glimpse at life as it comes into the mix
To mourn a lost love
Is to love them again
To know only to late
Is to only mix the shake
Please take my hand into this love
And understand the trueness of it all
A pat a shake a kiss and love
Will it all end too soon, to lonely to make a move
Why would you try
Why would you waste your love on mine
Take your heart elsewhere
No need for it here
I'm independent I'm strong
I'm fine as I move on
A single time one glimpse is all I need
To tell you goodbye to tell you I’m fine
I like you for who you are
Don't try to change yourself for me
I'll make it through please tell me you will too
Why do you try why do you care tell me this too
Take this ring to someone else
Someone who cares for you truly
Don't buy me
It won't shake me
I'm not fancy
I'm not fine
I'm not beautiful
To me you’re lonely
I took your hand and help you out
To find only your empty eyes in mine
You stared you sat you spoke of nothing
You are such a funny thing
Take that ring
Take that and sing
Sing to one you care for
Just let it not be me for more
I am single, I am proud
I am happy, I am a mound
A mound of rock unable to love
I've seen too much I've been through to much
I've seen love broken and fail
I've seen love die and run
I've seen light fade from your eyes
I've seen you
You hair so soft
Your words so aloof
My heart tells all
No relationship is fine with me
A time where I can be me for me
No time set
No dates
No pressure
No love
No time for you
Let your love go elsewhere
Let your love fade to herself
May your heart find it's place
Amongst the face
Of your one true love
Just let this love
Not be me
Please oh please
Take your love elsewhere




I will post more once I find it, or write/make it, lol.

all characters, artwork, and names Copywritted to me. please ask before you use any of them[/color]

[**Liz**]

you wrote these a couple of years ago? Hum...
1) Show, don't tell. You're good with that although sometimes you show a little too much. One of the best English teachers I've ever had lives by Show don't tell, but sometimes Show don't tell becomes a little... redundant. ^^ Take it easy on yourself and only show once, although if it is necessary you can leave a small little reminder if you feel like its going to add to it.

And yeah...that's about it.
For poetry sometimes the ' Say a lot in a little' comes into effect, but it was all good. keep it up

[[R] a v e n]

lol ya, I was either in 8th grade, or ninth when I wrote all these. I don't know why I had written so much 0.0 I must have been board. xD. But anyways. Ya the first story, Amongst Dreams, I was actually thinking about updating the story and making it into an RP site. -shruggs- dunno though.

[[R] a v e n]

Lol I know how to write poems. I'm better now, keep in mind it WAS 2 years ago when I wrote that. lol I feel ashamed that I ever wrote it x.x


EDIT: Note to self, add more recent items. These make me look foolish.

[**Liz**]

These are things of the past, we know how you write now, so you don't have to worry about then.

[[R] a v e n]

lol. ^^ yayz -hugs liz-

GAH I keep almost typing Lix instead of Liz.

[[R] a v e n]

Ok I wrote this tonight. I am tired, and board so this might not bee so good. Also this is an 'active story' so I can't/couldn't use the words:is, isn't, am, are, aren't, was, wasn't, were, will, would, won't, has, had, have, be, been, do, don't, did, didn't, does, doesn't, seem, seems, exist, exists, appears, make, makes, show, shows, occur, occurs, get, got, went, put, some, many, most, that, very, extremely, totally, completely, wholly, utterly, quite, rather, slightly, fairly, somewhat, and suddenly.

I might have had a few of these, so ignore them and don't say anything ok? x.x I had problems keeping them out lol.



Here it is:


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I stared back towards the dark window of my moms house, tears of fear rimming my eyes. How could this happen? How could he have found us so easily? I swallowed back the cold fear rising in my chest, threatening to lead me into a breakdown. I stood there, frozen, unsure of what to do. Just as I began to turn towards the barn and hide there, a shadowed shape appeared in the window, masked with a long object in his hand. It glinted in the faint moonlight. My eyes widened, he moved from the window and opened the door. With a gasp I turned and fled back towards the moonlit forest. Behind me I could hear the harsh sounding footfall of my pursuer, and in his hand I knew he held a weapon. Nothing would stop me from getting away from this crazed mad man.

I ducked down, barely missing a large tree branch hanging low on a dieing oak tree. Dry leaves crunched underfoot as I made my way through the forest. How could he possibly continue trailing me? I didn’t bother stopping to look, I just simply kept up my pace, a sad attempt at outrunning the man intent on killing me. I just kept running, even though there was a possibility of him catching me. Dark brown hair whipped into my face as a jumped over a fallen log, adrenaline pumping through my veins. I couldn’t concentrate on where I was placing my feet, I thought I lost him when my foot caught an upraised root of a tree, I fell to the ground. Wincing I sat up and gazed at my skinned knee, and the once faded footsteps of the man slowly grew closer. No, no he couldn’t catch me.

I pushed myself to my feet, my stance awkward. It hurt, not only my knee but my chest as well, I couldn’t get used to all this running, all this, adrenaline. “Hey girly girl. Come out come out wherever you are!” His dark voice echoed out above the sounds of the midnight animals and forest sounds. I looked around, no way I would be able to keep running for ever, I must to find a place to hide, somewhere I could call a temporary safe haven, I thought. But as far as I could see, nothing looked like a safe haven to me. I tried to push the pain to another part of my mind as I turned and dashed away from my ‘crash site’. Behind me I heard him stop and snicker “Taken a fall eh?” he called. I dared to sneak one small glance behind me, I shouldn’t have. He kept running, fast, he looked tall, looked lean, and probably withheld tattoos under his jet black outfit. However the knife he held, that caught my attention, or at least that’s what it looked like, it could have been anything else. I didn’t want that anywhere near me, I didn’t want him anywhere near me.

He looked like he began to tire, or so I hoped, but I reached the edge of the forest, luckily I could cut across the side of the forest and not gone through the middle. If I went straight into the forest, I would be dead now. I smiled, the faint glow of lights shone ahead, if it ended up being a highway I seemed happy. If it ended up being the town, I seemed happier. My step faltered as I leaped onto the smooth paved road. I looked up, it looked like a side street, a place where the gang kids liked to hang out. “Shoot” I mumbled under my breath. Back in the forest the stalker lurked, ready to take my life. I turned towards a wooden fence, it stood about six feet tall, maybe seven, eight? It didn’t matter, I saw a trash can and a fence. I smiled a half hearted smile and stepped up onto the trash can, gripping the flat surface of the fence for balance. Now I must to scale the rest of the fence, no problem, I thought. With a heave I jumped from the trash can and pulled my self atop the fence. I acquired slivers, in my hands, and the trash can clattered noisily to the ground. The man stood below me, glowering up and maybe saying something. Yes, he must have been swearing, yelling curses at me, but stopped when he noticed the shorter chain link fence not to far away. Why hadn’t I used the chain link fence? One word, adrenaline.

I pushed myself off the fence, landing on the grass below with a huff. I toppled sideways, knee buckling. I luckily landed on soft grass, but I couldn’t think of that now. I had to run. But when would all of this running end? I felt tired, no I felt exhausted. I closed my eyes for a moment, deep in thought, then returned to my feet and pushed on. By this time the man avoided the young boxers in the chain link fence yard and jumped over the fence. So one option down, I couldn’t use the street. I looked to the fence again, I couldn’t go back over. Could I go inside? I moved to the sliding glass door, but no, locked from the inside. I heard an uneven walking gate just beyond the shorter fence at the front of the property. I slowly crept up to the edge of the fence, pulled myself over and looked up towards the other chain link fence yard. Apparently I ended up wrong about him escaping the dogs, bleeding from one leg and one hand, in the yard the knife lay on the ground, shining in the darkness. I smiled, I actually could get away now! But I seemed to slow, he leapt forward and grasped my upper arm. “Got you” he snickered.

I brought my knee up in one fluid motion, jabbing him in the gut. He released my arm and I darted into the street, into the path of a police car. Staring up into the windshield I stood, motionless. I heard the familiar ‘click’ of a car door opening. I silently hoped that he saw everything that just happened, on the sidewalk at least. He stepped out and moved briskly to my side, asking what happened and such. I explained quickly and pointed to the writhing man on the sidewalk. He nodded, called for back up, and set me in the car. Could I be so lucky? Only a few minuets passed before another police car, with flashing lights, rounded the corner. Backup. Tears erupted from my eyes, tears of joy, finally I could leave the area close to my attacker. The new officer asked me if I was alright and had me get out of the other officers car and move to his. Before we left he checked with his fellow law enforcement officer and then returned to the car. “I’m taking you to the station. You can make a statement there”. I nodded and stared forward blankly. “My mom wasn’t home, she is still at work.” He stared at me for a moment before reassuring me that he would call her, so I told him where she worked and he started the car.

We pulled into the station and sat there for a moment as he explained to me what I needed to tell the receptionist. I nodded mumbled “Thank you” and exited the car. I glanced back as I pressed my hand against the smooth glass of the station door. It looked like his cell phone was dialing the number, hopefully. I pushed roughly on the door and walked into the police station, the receptionist looked up and ushered me over. She handed me a slip of paper and a pen, “Please fill it out. Thank you” I glanced up at her and nodded before retrieving the paper and moving stiffly to a chair. It took me all of four minuets to finish filling out the form and moved to give it back to her. Just as she took the paper the front door burst open. I looked, startled, over towards it. It was my mom, she had tears in her eyes and wrapped her arms around me, her words made no sense, her tears drowned them out. I smiled and hugged her back, “I’m ok, I’m ok”. She pulled back and placed her hands on my shoulders, she stared into my eyes for a moment. “Lets go home.” I shuddered and looked away, she spoke again “Don’t worry. This time, this time he won’t come after us again”. I nodded and walked with my mom out to her car, but before we could pull out I glanced sideways, two eyes stared back at me thought two panes of glass. My attacker glared at me, snarling something un audible. I didn’t care, he was going away for a long time. Assault, breaking and entering, atempted murder, and trespassing were just a few of the charges he would probably face in court. Either way, he wasn’t getting out for a long, long time.


Note: This is not a real story. It is completely made up from my imagination.


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What do you guys think?