Darkness- Feedback is greatly welcomed!!

[Tara]

ONE

The room was small, painted a reddish hue, although with the light off it made no difference. Ellen was still partially blinded by the salt water.
She glanced over at her clock; 3:30 a.m, then looked over toward the bed where a sleeping form lay twitching and shivering with pain. She debated between leaving her be or taking her to the hospital. She decided to let her be, and sat heavily on a cushioned chair.
The scene played over and over in her mind as she lay her head down on her desk and closed her aching eyes;

She remembered hearing a scream, a shout, and then a shot. She saw Tara going under, far under the sea water. Ellen, who was sitting in the sand wriggling her toes to feel the coolness of the little grains, heard her call her name in a panic-
Ellen jumped up, vainly trying to reach her friend who was now being dragged farther into the depths of the sea-
It seemed like forever, but Tara's head popped out-
She took a deep breath in before two huge hands grabbed her head and pulled her under-
Ellen barely saw the furious face of the man pulling Tara down as she dived in-
She swam a moment before opening her eyes...
In the dark water Ellen could still hear the screaming, following it, she found Tara.
Tara's eyes were wide, screaming for Ellen had made her breathe in water.
She was drowning!-
Ellen shot straight down about twenty meters in thirty seconds; Tara was still conscious enough to reach up and grab her hand, and Ellen pulled.
Something-someone was keeping her down- Ellen tugged harder, swimming doggedly upward, feeling the need to gasp for air-
Tara came free-
Ellen was soon flinging her toward the surface of the water.
She looked back only once, in enough time to see the mans face, and the barrel of a gun...
Ellen sobbed silently.


Tara's eyes snapped open.
" Where am I?" Her pale lips barely projected the sound, but some one heard- thankfully, someone heard her.
" You're safe here Tara... don't worry-"
Tara scoffed.
" Ha! We'll see about that when you tell me where I am." The voice sounded familiar though, Tara thought.
Her blue eyes squinted in the semi darkness, as she had heard the person walking over.
She lay on a mattress, a small bed with no frame on the hard wood floor, covered in a thick blanket. Her clothes, still soaked with sea water, stuck to her skin annoyingly. She tugged on them to loosen them, but they snapped back defiantly.
Frustrated, she sat up, leaning on her palms for support.
" Tara, it's me." Said the other girl with repressed concern.
" Who?" Tara was getting ready to bolt.
" Ellen, you know...? Your best friend...?" Ellen trailed off, hoping to strike some familiarities.
Tara's blue eyes finally met dark brown, and suddenly it all became clear.
She relaxed, her eyes filling with tears.
" Ellen...what-what happened?" Ellen found it now safe to sit beside Tara on her bed, and embraced her tightly." Look Tara, you need sleep. I've got some dry clothes for you- can you get up?"
" No, not by myself, I think..."
Ellen had pulled away and was now standing, reached over and grasped her friends wrist, pulling her up as well. Tara's ankle gave out, and she stumbled.
" Easy..." Ellen reached behind her and took Tara's shoulder so as to keep her standing.
Tara, now feeling lightheaded, leaned up against her larger friends shoulder as she was led toward the pile of clothes Ellen had set out.
Ellen closed her eyes respectfully as Tara began to re-dress herself.
" Tara-" She began shakily, but Tara cut her off.
" Don't. Say. Anything," Tara grumbled, tears slithering down her cheeks. " I think I remember what happened."
Ellen nodded solemnly, her sodden hair moving forward in her face. " You can open your eyes now, Elle."
Tara bore an old pair of sweats and a ratty old blue shirt, both of which swallowed her. Ellen was a good bit larger than Tara, but at least she was now warm.

Ellen wasn't too shocked to see tears, but her heart jumped a bit in surprise as Tara took her hand tightly.
" Tar' you're hurting me..." Ellen tried to pull away but Tara only took the other hand. " Tara...?"
" Ellen. You promised me!" Tara hissed dangerously. This was the first time Ellen was ever afraid of her substantially smaller friend, and her eyes widened.
" You were going to die Tara-" Ellen gasped in pain as Tara dug her nails in deeper.
" So would you have."
" No, I can swim." Ellen said pointedly, trying to wriggle free. Tara growled.
" You almost died saving my life. You broke your promise."
" You promised me you were okay-"
" Elle, I thought I could trust you, I guess I was wrong." Ellen managed to pull away and stepped back.
" Tara you're being unreasonable..." Tara's expression of pure hatred startled her a moment, but she continued. " You're my best friend, You're all I have." Tara sighed in frustration, turning her back suddenly on the dark haired woman. Ellen's breath caught in her throat. "Don't be stupid Tara, you would've done the same for me and you know it..." She was beginning to flush with frustration and exhaustion. "Lets-lets talk about this tomorrow..."
Ellen suggested, her eyes wide with concern.
Tara shot her a hating glance.
" Ellen..." She walked over so they were face to face-nose to nose. Ellen leaned back slightly, fear making her tremble, pride keeping her still. " Keep out of it. If you die, because of me, I'll never be able to forgive you." Ellen huffed.
" Me die? Tara I think after last night I'm out of the clear in that."
" They know you now, huh?"
" Yes." Tara bit her bottom lip thoughtfully, her knees shaking with the effort of standing. Ellen grabbed her shoulder and jerked her around so she'd look her in the eyes.
" I'll never leave you, Tar'. After all thats happened...I don't think I ever could." Tara leaned forward, so her head was resting on Ellen's shoulder, Ellen began stroking her sobbing friends hair.
Finally, on the verge of blacking out, Tara whispered " I'm so tired..."
Ellen sighed with the effort of helping her friend to the bed; Tara was still sore about the whole thing, but she managed to find it in her to say.
" You know I still love you, hon'." Before blacking out.

[Birdie°]

Para#1
The room was small, painted a redish hue.
The bed sat up against one of the walls, a queen sized double mattressed affair, no frame.
On the adjacent wall sat a dresser with eight drawers, a desk and vanity attached. The closet was on the wall opposite that.*
Ellen glanced over at her clock; 3:30 a.m.
She then looked over towards the bed, where a sleeping form lay twitiching and shivering with pain. She debated with herself on whether or not to wake her, and whether or not to take her to the hospital or not.
The scene played over and over in her mind as she lay her head down on her desk and closed her aching eyes;

Para#2
They heard a scream, a shout, and a shot.
Tara was seen going under, far under the sea water. Ellen heard her call her name in a panick as she was vainly trying to shoot toward the ocean water, sand flinging up in her journey.*
She jumped in the ocean and opened her eyes.
In the dark water she could still hear the screaming., following it, She followed it and found the girl. Her eyes were wide, screaming had made her take in tons of water in her lungs.**
She was drowning! Ellen shot straight down about twenty meters in thirty seconds; Tara was still concious enough to reach up and grab her hand, and Ellen pulled.
Something was keeping her down- she came free. Ellen looked back only once, in enough time to see the barrle of a gun facing her...

Ellen sobbed silently.

Para#3
Tara's eyes snapped open.
" Where am I?" Her pale lips barely projected the sound, but some one heard- thankfully, someone heard her.
" You're safe here Tara... don't worry-"
Tara scoffed.
" Ha! We'll see about that when you tell me where I am." The voice sounded familiar though, Tara thought.
Her blue eyes squinted in the semi darkness, as the other person walked over.
She lay on a mattress, a small bed with no frame on the hard wood floor, covered in a thick blanket. Her clothes, still soakinged with sea water, stuck to her skin annoyingly.
" Tara, it's me." Said the other girl with repressed concern.
" Who?"
" Ellen, you know...? Your best friend...?" Ellen trailed off, hoping to strike some familiarities.
Tara's blue eyes finally met dark brown, and suddenly it all became clear. She relaxed, her eyes filling with tears.
" Ellen...what-what happened?" Ellen had sat herself down on, what Tara now knew as, Ellen's bed.
" Look Tara, you need sleep. I've got some dry clothes for you- can you get up?"
" No, not by myself, I think..."
Ellen, who had stood now, reached over and grasped her friends wrist, pulling her up.
" Easy..." She reached behind her and took Tara's shoulder so as to keep her standing.
Tara, now feeling lightheaded, leaned up against her larger friends shoulder as she was walkedled toward the pile of clothes Ellen had set out.
Ellen closed her eyes respectfully as Tara began to re-dress herself.
" Tara-" She began shakily, but Tara cut her off.
" Don't. Say. Anything," Tara grumbled, tears slithering down her cheeks. " I sort ofthink I remember what happened..."
Ellen nodded solemnly, her sodden hair moving forward in her face. " You can open your eyes now, Elle."
Tara bore an old pair of sweats and a ratty old blue shirt, both of which swallowed her. Ellen was a good bit larger than Tara, but at least she was now warm.

Para#4
Ellen wasn't too shocked to see tears, but her heart jumped a bit in surprise as Tara took her hand tightly.
" Tar' you're hurting me..." Ellen tried to pull away but Tara only took the other hand. " Tara...?"
" Ellen. You promised me..." Tara hissed dangerously. This was the first time Ellen was ever afraid of her substantially smaller friend, and her eyes widened.
" You were going to die..."
" So would you have."
" No, I can swim." She said pointedly. Tara growled.
" You almost died saving my life. You broke your promise."
" You promised me you were okay-"
" Only to keep you safe, Elle. I thought I could trust you, I guess I was wrong." Ellen managed to pull away and stepped back.
" Tara you're being unreasonable..." Tara's expression of pure hatred startled her a moment, before shebut Ellen continued. " You're my best friend, I'm all you have. You're all I have, really."
Tara sighed in frustration, turning her back suddenly on the dark haired woman.
Ellen's breath caught in her throat. "Don't be stupid Tara, you would've done the same for me... But, lets-lets talk about this tomorrow..." Ellen suggested, her eyes wide with concern.
Tara shot her a hating glance before lying down on the mattress, she waiting for a while longer before lying down beside her.

Comments:
Crazy story, but I liked it. o 3o Yellow text are things I added, striked are things I'd take out. Just suggestions, you don't have to do them. <3
Anywho, to the black text!

Para#1
* This chunk of text is only highlighted because of that "needed or not needed" issue. Every writer always has extra information; because nothing else in this story is described in the same way, I would suggest either changing this chunk of discription or deleting it altogether.
[ This sort of discription, however, is useful to have for a screenplay. C: ]

Para#2
* This sentence confused me. At this point I thought Ellen was shooting at something, but I hadn't heard any earlier reference to the fact she was moving.
Or was it Tara who was shooting at the ocean? I could see that, considering she's being dragged. However, a setence before she's already in the water, so I'm still left unsure.
** I would split this sentence into two, maybe even more. Once sentence for her eyes, and another one/two for the fact she had breathed in water. There's a ton of good ways to describe that.

Para#3
N/A

Para#4
N/A

If you want me to delve further, just ask. o 3o

[Tara]

OKay, um...I fixed a few things. I usually re-read-fix-re-re-read, fix and so on and so on. But I was having issues fixing it up. Hows that?? Any ideas what should happen next? I do a lot of ammature writing, but I can never figure out what to do once I get something going on... *sighs* I suffer from major case of writers block X.X

[D.e.a.t.h]

Whats the plot?

[Tara]

Ah, the plot. (It's a bit lengthy, sorry about that. But I kicked the writers block.)
Well theres two friends, best friends, Ellen Marilia Fox and Tara Carmen Anson.
Tara and Ellen met in high school, after Tara saved Ellen's butt in a school yard fight.
This was in their first year of high school, grade ten. (Canada) They were both loners and underdogs, but in their second year Grade 11, Tara suffered a tragic loss.
Both her parents and her two siblings died in a bombing and, distraught, Ellen and her family took her in.

Grade 11 & 12
Tara and Ellen weren't in any of each others classes that year, except for band and choir. Even if she denied it whole heartedly, Tara needed Ellen, especially that year.
You see, with her family's death reported as 'foul play' and Tara being unexplainably absent from the scene, all of the press conference's and news casts made Tara out to be the bomber.
Tara and Ellen found this quite absurd and ironic, seeing as Tara could barely make copper oxidize in her chemistry class.
Tara got suspicious looks wherever she went; school, the mall, the park...even Ellen's older brother thought Tara had done it.
Only Ellen didn't think that Tara had done it. And, after months of interrogations, tests, DNA swabs; there was a trial.
Tara was found guilty.
She'd told her whole story of that day and the day before over and over, everytime the same, and they still would not let it go. The trial was over before it started.
The police investigators were so bent up on proving her guilty, they bent the evidence to make it fit, and Ellen knew that.
Tara was in prison four months, she was alloud to finish grade eleven, and she stayed in her cell over the summer. In that time Ellen insisted that they do another investigation, with different officers from out of town. They wouldn't do it. So, Ellen went and got a lawyer, one who she knew didn't think Tara had done it. Her brother had a friend (Max) who worked for this lawyer (tom), and Tom agreed to take her case with no charge.
Finally under the pressure that Tom and his firm managed to dish out, they did another investigation. Which led to another trial.
Tara was found not guilty. She was let out a week before school started.

Her final year was great. She was getting back to normal, people accepted her as not guilty, and she and Ellen were as close as ever. The year went as planned, for once.
However, a group of kids honestly thought Tara had done it. So one of the guys asked her out, told her to meet him somewhere secluded, a lake. Ellen helped Tara get ready; they were both excited. Hey, he was hot. And Tara had liked him from day one. Even though he was three years older than her. But, he didn't know what was going to happen, and when he left her for a moment to go to the bathroom, he heard her scream, and ran back. All of the guys were holding her down, she was struggling, but they were wainting for him. " Come on Jason," they said, " You start." Jason, who actually liked Tara, was mortified, and made a plan. He told them to give him a few minutes alone with her, and they left, giggling. Tara was already beaten and bruised and scared. She tried to run off but her sneses were knocked around and she only fell. Hard. Jason scooped her up and brought her to his car, placing ehr in the back seat, and dorve her home.
He explained everything to Ellen, who was shaking with anger and fear, as she looked on her old, beaten friend. Jason felt more horrible than anyone, stating it was all his fault, he should have never gone. Ellen assured him that if he hadn't have gone, Tara would be dead by now. So, after all that, tara recovering and finishing school, the two girls opted to move away. Far, away. Jason opted to come with them. After that incident, Tara and Jason started dating steadily, and he was completely in love.
The three moved to a big town on the other side of the country, splitting a large beach house between them while they went to university there.
That was where we come in, at the beach.
Tara's father was an officer with CSIS, and had brought down a little less than half of a large mob called the Hunt. Hunt's leader was after blood, and wouldn't stop until he got it, either. How conveinient was it that tara moved to his home town?
In the passage I wrote, Tara and Ellen were at the beach just hanging out in the summer, having finished school. Tara jumped in the water, and was caught by one of the mobs thugs, who tried to drown her. And, well...you know the rest. (Jason may come later, more plot TBA. Suggestions are welcomed, 'cause I don't know what to do next. )

[Sasha]

Oh, I know the feeling, totally. Dx
It's hard to finish something, that's my problem, too. I can always start it, get to the half-way mark, and then I loose focus. I blot out, get bored, start something new.

I think there's two ways to help that, at least, I've heard they've worked before. I dunno myself. xD
One, keep focused on it. Force yoursef to work on it whenever you can.
Or two, give yourself a 'line-up' of events from start to finish. Even if they change, at least you'll have a backbone.

I tried the backbone thing once, it worked out pretty well, actually. o 3o
But you've got a great story here, and you've got skill! Dun give up. * 0*

[Tara]

TWO

Jason walked to the house, his tall dark figure towering just under the doorframe.
He dropped his leather suitcase on the porch to unlock the front door, but that was soon declared unnecessary as the door was already open. A gust of wind proved that as it blew it wide, slamming it up against a wall and breaking a mirror.
Jason's arm dropped. Something was wrong.
" Tara? Tara!" No one was answering him, his blood was now running cold. " Ellen!" Maybe they went out side, wanted to air the house out? He hoped to god that was the reason. " Where are you?" He murmured-
" GET OUT! GET OUT YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SH*T! LEAVE US ALONE!" Ellen jumped out from behind a corner, butchers knife in hand.
Caught in surprise, Jason jumped back. He and Ellen looked long and hard at eachother, Jason not daring to move. In a panic, he would not have been able to turn around fast enough, but this was his house. He deserved to be here. So he stood still. " Ellen, Ellen hon', calm down...it's just me..."
She finally got it.
Ellen looked up at him and sighed, dropping the knife and hugging him tightly around the neck.
" Oh Jason, I'm so glad you're here-" Jason hugged her back. Ellen was safe. He knew Tara would be too. His voice was tight with nerves as he spoke.
" What happened?"
Ellen pulled away, her shaking hands resting on his shoulders. He stared down at her, her wide brown eyes bearing into his own, green ones.
" Jason, don't freak out, okay-"
" Why...should I?" Jason was begining to become testy and defensive.
" Tara doesn't need that right now." Ellen tugged on his sweater, leading him toward the room that was only just around the corner.
Jason opened the door gingerly, and found Tara immediately.
She was still shivering in Ellen's bed, which struck him as odd.
" Why is she in here?" He whispered to her. Ellen sighed,
" I was scared...we were both terrified. So we slept together last night."
That too, was odd. Tara had never had to sleep in a room with someone because she was scared...
" What happened?" he hissed. Ellen flicked his ear. " Ow hey-"
" Shush! Not so loud! She's sleeping."
"Fine. Fine, lets go to the kitchen, then." Jason rubbed his ringing ear tenderly. Ellen flicked hard.
Ellen nodded. She stole a quick glance behind her, just enough to see Jason bury his face with stress. She sighed heavily.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````

"...and I saw her go under and I jumped in and I grabbed her and-and Jason there was a gun. There was a man, and he had a gun; now, tell me that doesn't sound organized?"
Jason smirked.
" Elle, hun, this is B.C, everyone has a gun. Ever since that law was passed, everyones been buying them."
He swirled the milk around in his coffee with a fork, adding a couple scoops of sugar as well. Ellen watched him in disgust, sipping on her plain black coffee. She'd always disapproved. Ellen shook her head.
" Jason, don't joke, okay?" She wrapped both hands around the mug, bowed her head and sighed. " I- I just don't know what to do. We moved to get away from this-"
" Look, Ellen, I know what we did. Okay? I was there." He sipped his coffee, letting the creamy liquid seep down his throat. Ellen looked down at her hand's thoughtfully, waiting for him to continue.
" I think you're right." Ellen looked up, shocked. " But, until we're sure, we can't say anything to Tara, alright? She's hurt enough..." Jason trailed off, leaving Ellen still nodding slowly.
They both finished their coffee before Tara woke. She nodded to Ellen, only just brushing up against Jason instead of her normal affectionate greetings. Jason reached over and grasped her hand, standing, and embraced her tightly. She closed her eyes, breathing in his scent deeply.
" Tara, I love you so much."
Tara grunted to show she felt the same, tightening her grip. They stood like that for a few minutes, before Tara pulled away, brushing her greasy black hair from her face.
" You came home." She mumbled. Jason nodded slowly. There was something really wrong with her...he shot a glance at Ellen, who gestured to her friend as if to say ' See?'
He shrugged it off, " Do you...want something? Like-like to eat or drink or, something?"
Tara shook her head, sitting at the small round table. Jason sat as well, fiddling with a coin in his pocket. The atmosphere was thick and electric between Tara and Ellen, Jason guessed the fought and Ellen didn't want to tell him about it. A few minutes passed, Ellen poured herself another cup of coffee. Jason wished she would say something to him.
" So, Tar' I-"
" I'm going back to bed. Night." Tara didn't even look at either of them as she turned 'round to walk away.
"Night Tara..." Jason turned his head to watch her go, before turning to Ellen. She shrugged, reading the paper, sipping her coffee.
Tara was being difficult. That's all.

[Tara]

He was a shadow.
He sat alone in the darkness, wedged in between existence and his own need to not be.
He was dark. He was cool. He could kill with a single glance and get away with it, because he was dangerously invisible.
Because he, was Shade Bullets.
Shade was conveniently propped up against a wall, his leather clad foot resting sole first on the red brick while his black drench coat draped across his broad shoulders, hanging from his thighs.
His black skull T-shirt rippled with his arm as he fingered a small coin, a quarter, passing it through each one of it's fingers over and over again.
His rounded jaw clenched and re-clenched as he chewed the living heck out of a crummy piece of five cent stick of gum.
Shade took his hat and adjusted it to block the eastern sun, snuffing a lock of silk black hair from his forehead in the process.
" Where are you, my prey?" He growled, his beady brown eyes squinting as he desperately tried to pinpoint his target. "Hmmm..." He seemed to see into every corner and every little shadow; he intended for a clean kill.
Suddenly, he saw it. His posture nor his composure changed as the figure climbed out of the sleek black limo, paparazzi closing in fast.
Without taking his eyes from his target, he brought up his hand, and pointed, tilting it to one side.
The man was talking to a member of the press, his new blue suede suite glinted as a beacon, his large aviator shades bulged with his overblown ego.
Shade spitted in disgust as he smiled a golden smile. A large colored feather protruded from his hat-
Aiming, shade made his move.
The man had turned around smiling at a cute little reporter in the midst of criticizing him about the conditions of his trial.
His smile faded a split second, before he dropped to the ground. A split second before that, there was a shot.
Shade winked at the man as if to say, gotcha! before squeezing the trigger on his 9 mm trim muzzle pistol.
But by the time anyone else knew what had happened;
Shade was gone.



" So Shade, you killed him." The old man wheezed, puffing smoke from a thin white cigarette as he spoke.
Shade watched him as he turned around in his small wheeled chair so as to face the window, tilting back a bit as he did so. He flicked the butt of the cigarette out the window as if he were disgusted that it was spent. " Did anyone see you?"
" No sir."
" Good." He smirked, thoughtfully, his wrinkled features smiling wickedly. " How about that Tara, chick?"
Shade shifted his weight uncomfortably.
" Didn't Skull tell you?" Boss sighed.
" Of course not. Skull's a moron, you tell me, Bullets." He slowly pulled another coffin nail from it's package and lit it carefully, as if giving Shade time to brace himself.
He did.
" We arrived at the beach at the designated time. We found her, but she wasn't alone. So I suggested to Skull that we take the other girl out-"
Wham!
Boss had whirled around, slamming his fists hard on the desk, rising menacingly to his feet.
" Idiot! I told you; The girl and no one else."
" Boss, those two are attached at the hip. If Tara dies her friend dies with her. But anyway-" He interrupted Boss as he was about to say something. He was not impressed, but let his employee finish anyway.
" I saw she was going into the ocean and I sent Skull in after her. He almost had her, if the other chick hadn't been there. She fought us off."
Boss scoffed. " Bullets, Bullets, Bullets..." Shaking his head he smiled broadly. " I can't trust you with one little thing?"
The old man, his graying hair still thick but balding near the front, placed his hands flat on his desk. Leaning forward so his blue eyes met Shades own.
" Now, I'm going to tell you a little story," he flicked his wrist, and a gun appeared in his palm. Shade did not even blink. Typical boss. The man quickly licked the corner of his mouth, a reflex of stress.
" A young man and woman moved to this town. They were both, cops. One was actually a CS IS agent, the but they're all the same. They've been working with us for a long time. A long time. We thought they were legit. But no;
They were spies.
I didn't trust them, and under my direction, Tack didn't give them much to go off of for years. They were good, very good, and finally Tack gave in. Then they knew everything.
When we found out they were spies, they had gone. Moved. Put under protection. We tracked them for years, and when we finally found them, we killed them all.
Almost."
Boss waited for a connection to be made in the dull man's head, but it was already there. Shade nodded with a forced enthusiasm, bordering sarcasm.
"We need her dead, Bullets. Don't disappoint me."
Shade shook his head.
" She'll be dead by this time next week."
" Good...GO!"
Shade was already gone.